Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
