I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
