she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
