i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
