I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
