YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
