I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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