tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
