I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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