I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
