upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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