I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
