does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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