In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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