I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
