How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She needs sedatives and a leash
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
