I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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