no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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