I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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