I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
