i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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