just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
