My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
