I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
