You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
