Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
