She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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