so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
