He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
