Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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