my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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