on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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