We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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