I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
