Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As shirtless as possible
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
