I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
