we have pet lesbian snakes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
