WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
