Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
