why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
