just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
