My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
