Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
