Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
