i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
