I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
