This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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