You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
