wakey wakey hands off snakey
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
