I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
