that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
