His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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