The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
